There isn’t much I dislike more than asking a question at a high level and getting an answer back that feels demeaning because the answerer explains everything to me from the ground up [without ever pausing to breathe or giving me an opportunity to say ‘Yeah, I know, move on’]. I typically already understand the details, or don’t care at this point, which is why it’s so frustrating (to me).
I hadn’t ever really thought [at least not too much] about how to solve this problem until I heard Matt verbalize it like this a couple months ago:
I first try to gauge where the person is, and try to respond at a similar level. I also adjust the response as I get visual feedback from the person as they are listening to my response.
Whoa.
I have been acutely aware of a person’s inability to do this every time I ask a question ever since I heard Matt say this (Shoot! Now I’m ruined!).
So here is how I try to debug your question (and you) so I don’t irk you off when you come to me with a question:
- Think about the problem first.
- Understand the problem/Be empathetic.
- Assess where you are in the solution space of the problem, so I can give an answer in a neighborhood relevant to you.
- Start trying to help solve the problem.
- Be clear and specific.
- Change my response based on any feedback I’m receiving from you (verbal or otherwise).
- Respond with help that leads you into the pit of success.
I’ve come up [involuntarily… sorry, just something I do] with a list of don’ts when I ask you a question as well:
- Don’t blow me away with your superior knowledge/expertise/arrogance/cockiness/awesomeness. I already know you’re awesome… that’s why I asked you!
- Don’t drown me with inane details.
- Don’t be condescending.
- Don’t be vague.
- Don’t pretend to know if you don’t. (Hint: I can tell when you don’t!)
- Don’t yell at me, or yell about someone/something else, or go off the hook for some other reason. Not cool.
Reflecting over those two lists, looks like the moral of the story: Be a good listener, be resepectful, don’t be an a-hole. Sounds about right 😉
Do you run into this (or think about it)? How do you try to solve it (from both sides of the question)?
